In need of some motivation? It’s your lucky day because the author of The Ladies Man-ifesto: What Sales, Science and Love Have in Common is featured on the blog today. His book, while aimed at men, is one that I found captivating. I mean, women are also looking to gain confidence and attract people. Sebastian agreed to sit down with me for a candid interview. So please, give a warm welcome to him and be sure to check out his upcoming release. Take it away, Sebastian:
What book do you wish you could have written?
I wish I could have written Secrets of the Millionaire Mind by T Harv Eker!
Just as your books inspire authors, what authors have inspired you?
I would have to say Brendon Burchard, Ryan Holiday and Daniel Lubetzky.
What do you consider to be your best accomplishment?
Founding “The Ladies Man Academy” which helps men develop inner confidence and attract women. Also, having the privilege to speak once a month at my local children’s home through motivation.
What is your best marketing tip?
Network in your niche and be genuine in asking for help. Always look at the newest trends of what is working and capitalize on them as fast as possible. What may have worked last year does not mean that it will work this year. You literally have to become a learning machine and adapt to any changes if you want to leverage your marketing campaigns.
Do you have a favorite spot to write? What is it?
I usually like to write in public places like coffee shops or pastry shops. I like the ambiance and the scent of coffee beans; it’s very soothing and relaxing.
What are you working on now? What is your next project?
My next project (or I should say book) is going to be a self help book on overcoming the delusion of fear and harnessing your inner power to live your best life. Largely influenced by advice passed down to me by some of my Billionaire mentors: books like Motivation Manifesto: Meditations by Marcus Areilus, The Obstacle is the Way and Mastery by Robert Greene to list a few. I will be using tons of data on neuroscience and cognition research.
What is your biggest failure?
Well, I don’t believe in failures. I feel life is a series of experiments. Like Steve Jobs says, “you can’t connect the dots looking forward, you can only connect them looking backward.” So if you have a situation or circumstance that is not ideal, you learn two things: how to do it better next time or how not to do something. I call “bad” days character building days.
What is your biggest fear?
Not moving toward my dream or goal on a daily basis scares the hell out of me! I fear wasted valuable time. Like Seneca says, “we act very mortal with our material possessions but act very immortal with our time.”
What do you want your tombstone to say?
“None but ourselves can free our mind. You have the power to create the life you want.”
If you had a superpower, what would it be?
The power to read at lightning speed. I would be able to get through my usual 15 books a week to probably 30 a week which would incredible!
What’s on your bucket list (things to do before you die)?
Help one million people live a stronger, empowered life.
What were you like as a child? Your favorite toy?
Curious, adventures and a trouble maker. I fell in a ditch as a kid and was up to my neck in mud for hours. I was finally rescued by police. LOL! That’s definitely one of my most memorable moments. I was 5, I believe.
Also when I was in second grade, I was the only student that had a desk in the office. I would report there instead of a regular classroom. Apparently, that’s how disruptive I was!
Title: The Ladies Man-ifesto: What Sales, Science and Love have in Common
Author: Sebastian Castañeda
Genre: Non Fiction – Self Help
The LadiesMan-ifesto was illustrated as an invigorating and compelling new way to approach, attract and date women. I wrote this book for men that want a very specific blue print to implement in order to attain tangible results with woman. This isn’t about feel good speeches, pick up lines, a get laid quick scheme, or any other pseudo trickery you can think of. This is just raw powerful knowledge passed down by some of the greatest thinkers of our time with a modern twist. If you want an actual system that shows precision, innovation and accountability all rolled up into one, then this resource is for you. There is someone very special out there waiting for you to become the powerful man you have suppressed deep down. This book will harness that veiled potential, force it out so the world may see you for who you really are… a Gladiator.
CHAPTER 3: CONFIDENCE 101
“The moment you doubt whether you can fly, you cease forever to be able to do it.”
– J.M. Barrie, Peter Pan
First thing you must know is confidence is not something you are born with but rather it is a state of mind that is learned. According to Dr. Manisha Goel:
“Self-confidence is one of the personality traits which is a composite of a person’s thoughts and feelings, strivings and hopes, fears and fantasies, his view of what he is, what he has been, what he might become, and his attitudes pertaining to his worth. Self-confidence is a positive attitude of oneself towards one’s self-concept. It is an attribute of perceived self. Self-confidence refers to a person’s perceived ability to tackle situations successfully without leaning on others and to have a positive self-evaluation. A self-confident person perceives himself to be socially competent, emotionally mature, intellectually adequate, successful, satisfied, decisive, optimistic, independent, self-reliant, self-assured, forward moving, fairly assertive and having leadership qualities. So the concept of self-confidence enjoys an important position in the theories of human behavior and personality and is regarded as a basic condition of the human existence in our modern day world by many thinkers.”
Confidence comes from an awareness of perception of oneself. This awareness is gained through knowledge, practice, and feedback. Interested in becoming more confident and attracting more women? Perfect, let’s begin.
Knowledge is a broad term so let’s target some specifics. Here are three conceptual and practical applications for knowledge when building your confidence.
Know your strengths and weaknesses. A good book to help you determine what your strengths and weaknesses are is Strength Finder 2.0. It will show you the science behind your personality traits and what studies show are a good path to better harness your unique abilities. This goes to better understanding who you are, what makes you tick. Never suffer American Idol Syndrome. American Idol Syndrome is when you think you are good at something when in reality you’re terrible at it. The technical term is “illusion of external agency.” This cognitive bias develops when we don’t seek objection outside our own thinking. We over-compensate and tell ourselves what our own desirable qualities are, and we often are ignorant to our own thoughts. A good method to avoid American Idol Syndrome is by seeking outside objectivity. Ask other people such as friends, family, or even strangers how they perceive you. Are you perceived as outgoing or reserved, loud or quite, funny, charming, awkward…the list goes on but you get the idea. Understanding how other people perceive you is essential to understanding your level of charisma and allows you to double-down on the things that are working and readjust the things that may be holding you back.
Grow positivity, kill negativity. This one is essential. Think of positive energy as the foundation for everything to build on. Picture this for a moment: you’re in a room and everyone is laughing and having a great time—maybe you’re with some friends catching up about old times or at a comedy show or maybe your favorite football team just won the Super Bowl. That is the essence of positive energy. Remember, energy is never created nor destroyed, it is always there, you just have to open awareness to it and energy will manifest itself. The same is true with negative energy although this one is more infectious. The reason why negative energy is easier to dwell on is because when you look at human biology, studies have shown that we have five main emotions. Unfortunately, only one of those five emotions is positive and that emotion is joy. Picture yourself in a situation where someone walks in the room, they are clearly upset or agitated and their energy makes you feel uncomfortable. You don’t want to feel that negative energy but it is being transferred to you because you are around that state of mind provoking negative energy. You have to remove yourself from these types of people and situations as often as you can. Surround yourself with the people who make you feel great. People you can easily be yourself around and have a great time with. These are the people who are going to help contribute to your confidence.
Image is everything. Whether we are talking about fashion, body language, or emotional presence, you must uphold the image of a confident man. Picture James Bond, although he is a fictional character you can’t deny he is what a confident man walks and talks like. Even if slightly exaggerated he clearly is displaying confidence without having to read you his character role. That is what confidence is, something people can read off you without any verbal clarification. Take pride in your physical appearance, work out, get a clean haircut, shave, smell good, and dress well. Pay attention to your body language. Have a straight posture, roll the shoulders back when you walk, and when you’re walking walk with a purpose, not too slow not too fast, have a firm frame. Regarding your emotional state, have James Bond in mind again. Does he complain or bitch? Does he sob in self-pity or get his feelings hurt right away? Does he seek emotional comfort in other people to make him feel good? Bet your ass he doesn’t and neither should you. Have “emotional intelligence” as scientists call it. Emotional intelligence is the capacity to be aware of, control, and express one’s emotions, and to handle interpersonal relationships judiciously and empathetically.
Focus on things in your control and ditch the rest. Having a clear, uncluttered mind will leave room for all of the positives to manifest. I realize that men put such emphasis on women that they even let their actions dictate how they feel. Even worse, they let the opinions of others dictate how they feel. Les Brown said, “Don’t let the opinions of others become your reality.” Only you have the power to be confident and happy. If you leave your happiness in the hands of others you will be miserable. If a woman is giving you the cold shoulder, MOVE ON—don’t try to force anything to work. How another person feels towards you is completely out of your control.
Picture Atlas for a moment. He’s carrying the world above his head by himself. That’s essentially what you are doing by letting other people affect your happiness with their opinions. Don’t try to fix things or force them to work, and avoid making it a personal burden if they don’t. Luckily you’re not Atlas; you don’t need that added pressure, so do what is necessary and just shrug it off. Now, by focusing on things that are in your control, you are able to leverage social power and increase your confidence. Choosing the people you hang around with is in your control, so be around people that make you feel like a million bucks and you’ll start to see increased happiness which will translate to confidence. Why? Simply because you will feel great all the time.
The better you feel about yourself, the more you are going to be encouraged to go out and meet women. You want to be a juggernaut in your approach to happiness and confidence. You are going one way with your life and the juggernaut will run through anything to reach his destination. He’s an unstoppable force.
Sebastian has become an engaging leader that has established a large fellowship of men wanting to transcend their lives. He is one of the most sought-after romance coaches in the dating industry today. He is founder of the powerful program “The Ladies Man Academy” which he designed to reach a broader audience, giving only the most concise and applicable information and step-by-step guide equivalent to what you would get with over 30 one-on-one sessions. Though he focuses on romance he bestows a higher purpose for all his clients, to begin living life on your terms.
Sebastian truly believes that greatness lies within everyone and it just takes the right mix of knowledge, attitude, and shift of perception to unlock your true potential. He is an advocate of a higher calling and pushes clients to limits of growth that both disrupt and engage the natural order of things to sprout rapid growth. Sebastian has touched the lives of hundreds of men at his in-person conferences, online courses and one-on-one coaching sessions. “Without my mentors I wouldn’t be on the path I am now. This book is a way for me to pay it forward.”
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